On silent nights, in soundless whispers

On silent nights, in soundless whispers

Every passing day seems to have its own surly whim.

Events unfurl, barely stirring my mind;

“Is this what I want?” I end up asking myself,

Though I only see myself confronting Truth’s hind.

Surely somewhere, life scorns at my dilemma.

A change- I feel I am striving for each day.

Petty hassles leach the once unbridled creativity,

And the refined thoughts of before seem at bay.

The commuting tires, the monotony baffles-

The working figures snoring in my eyes.

The sceptical faces at every intersecting crossroad,

Make me ponder over my own manipulated lies.

The lurking emptiness implodes ever so slightly later, every night;

No doings it seems would prove worthwhile.

The virtual world of frivolties I resort to,

Lost I feel, stranded on a solitary isle.

Truly living a fulfilling life- when did the notion evanesce?

It seems compromises make the order of the day.

I wake up each morn; stare at the mirror and sigh,

“And here we go again!”, all my reflection says.

I remember -not so long ago- a simpler time.

And in visions and dreams, it does haunt my mind.

Some things should never change moving forward.

Some things should, for the better, rewind.

On silent nights, in soundless whispers,

Sometimes I hear that simpler past call me.

Sometimes in hues of the setting sun,

The fading colours of life, I am forced to see..

A Fiend Tamed

During my final year in college, I once met this guy on an anonymous chat site. Wait, do not judge me yet! His name was Ted (at least that's what he told me). He was from U.S.A. We started talking normally and when he learnt I was from India, he started hurling insults (very usual on these sites). But, as some of my close friends know, I can be quite rude as well and I did charm him with my own profanities. After an hour or so of this early in the morning (I'm pretty sure I missed my morning classes as well), we finally called a truce. Then as we continued to talk we both surprisingly came to realize how like our interests were. So similar in fact that he called me his alter ego.

We talked about things two guys would normally talk about- girls, games, booze, drugs, no politics. He told me he had been on drugs for almost his entire life, not to mention boozing and all the good stuff in life that is quite repulsive to normal people. All the craziness you could imagine- until a year ago when he met this girl and fell in love. Quite cheesy I guess, and I'm not a big fan of love stories myself (I still haven't read Love Story by Erich Segal, which is like the Bible for lovers), but what he told me was the most adorable anecdote I've ever heard or read, seriously! It was unlike any movie that has ever tried to capture the feel of love (I can't say about the books though). Maybe, he just made it up; in which case it would make him the best storyteller ever, for me.

I won't be writing about it here. But he told me two things which still ring in my mind. He said he had felt like there was a monster inside him his entire life making him do these things which he himself realized were vile and that he had finally tamed it.

Then, all of a sudden, I realized it was eleven o'clock and I could not miss this class I had due to severe shortage of attendance. So, I disconnected without asking for his contact information (again, that's what guys do I guess, lest some people may feel different).

It was around this time that I had just started writing, as a hobby. What follows is a short poem I wrote that day during the eleven o'clock class. I hated the subject anyway and the boring professor who kept coming on rounds to check if we were copying the shit he puked on the blackboard (but I did pass the subject ultimately, if you are curious to know, that is).

So, I guess this is for Emma (the girl's supposed name) from Ted. Hope you like it as well.

A Fiend Tamed

I rode the wings of desire.

I burnt in the inferno of rage.

I drenched my soul with greed;

The monster inside, guiding me all the way.

Alas, one day I confronted the winds of love!

And like a dead, dry leaf it made me fly.

Higher and higher it made me soar,

I attained a state of blissfulness,

No other worldly entity could suffice.

The fiend in me acceded to an eternal stupor,

I found my peace at last.

I pray thee O Heavens,

Never, never, take it back!