On silent nights, in soundless whispers

On silent nights, in soundless whispers

Every passing day seems to have its own surly whim.

Events unfurl, barely stirring my mind;

“Is this what I want?” I end up asking myself,

Though I only see myself confronting Truth’s hind.

Surely somewhere, life scorns at my dilemma.

A change- I feel I am striving for each day.

Petty hassles leach the once unbridled creativity,

And the refined thoughts of before seem at bay.

The commuting tires, the monotony baffles-

The working figures snoring in my eyes.

The sceptical faces at every intersecting crossroad,

Make me ponder over my own manipulated lies.

The lurking emptiness implodes ever so slightly later, every night;

No doings it seems would prove worthwhile.

The virtual world of frivolties I resort to,

Lost I feel, stranded on a solitary isle.

Truly living a fulfilling life- when did the notion evanesce?

It seems compromises make the order of the day.

I wake up each morn; stare at the mirror and sigh,

“And here we go again!”, all my reflection says.

I remember -not so long ago- a simpler time.

And in visions and dreams, it does haunt my mind.

Some things should never change moving forward.

Some things should, for the better, rewind.

On silent nights, in soundless whispers,

Sometimes I hear that simpler past call me.

Sometimes in hues of the setting sun,

The fading colours of life, I am forced to see..

A Fiend Tamed

During my final year in college, I once met this guy on an anonymous chat site. Wait, do not judge me yet! His name was Ted (at least that's what he told me). He was from U.S.A. We started talking normally and when he learnt I was from India, he started hurling insults (very usual on these sites). But, as some of my close friends know, I can be quite rude as well and I did charm him with my own profanities. After an hour or so of this early in the morning (I'm pretty sure I missed my morning classes as well), we finally called a truce. Then as we continued to talk we both surprisingly came to realize how like our interests were. So similar in fact that he called me his alter ego.

We talked about things two guys would normally talk about- girls, games, booze, drugs, no politics. He told me he had been on drugs for almost his entire life, not to mention boozing and all the good stuff in life that is quite repulsive to normal people. All the craziness you could imagine- until a year ago when he met this girl and fell in love. Quite cheesy I guess, and I'm not a big fan of love stories myself (I still haven't read Love Story by Erich Segal, which is like the Bible for lovers), but what he told me was the most adorable anecdote I've ever heard or read, seriously! It was unlike any movie that has ever tried to capture the feel of love (I can't say about the books though). Maybe, he just made it up; in which case it would make him the best storyteller ever, for me.

I won't be writing about it here. But he told me two things which still ring in my mind. He said he had felt like there was a monster inside him his entire life making him do these things which he himself realized were vile and that he had finally tamed it.

Then, all of a sudden, I realized it was eleven o'clock and I could not miss this class I had due to severe shortage of attendance. So, I disconnected without asking for his contact information (again, that's what guys do I guess, lest some people may feel different).

It was around this time that I had just started writing, as a hobby. What follows is a short poem I wrote that day during the eleven o'clock class. I hated the subject anyway and the boring professor who kept coming on rounds to check if we were copying the shit he puked on the blackboard (but I did pass the subject ultimately, if you are curious to know, that is).

So, I guess this is for Emma (the girl's supposed name) from Ted. Hope you like it as well.

A Fiend Tamed

I rode the wings of desire.

I burnt in the inferno of rage.

I drenched my soul with greed;

The monster inside, guiding me all the way.

Alas, one day I confronted the winds of love!

And like a dead, dry leaf it made me fly.

Higher and higher it made me soar,

I attained a state of blissfulness,

No other worldly entity could suffice.

The fiend in me acceded to an eternal stupor,

I found my peace at last.

I pray thee O Heavens,

Never, never, take it back!

Reality Calls

Sometimes I wish my life was less real. Hope you like the post. :)


Gliding over the silvery clouds above,
The world at once seems low.
The wings of fancy impelling the soul,
The dawn of Reality is still a distant glow.

Amorous winds of worldly diversions,
Keep fluttering by in spells.
But solemnly resigned to reach the stars,
Let them weave their deceitful telltales.

For I know now, rather too much,
How devious their alluring paths lead.
For I know now, rather too well,
Fruits do not reap even their fertile seeds.

My wings propel the mystic flight,
The dim twilight makes the benign stars glow.
Euphoria creeping into each vein,
I see shafts of colour out of my being flow.

Alas, in a breath the glaring lights emerge!
Blinding my eyes with radiant sheen;
My airy path, a moment ago panoptic and inviting,
All o’ sudden appears treacherous and lean.

Slowly immersing the skies around,
Dawns the naked, stark truth.
I awaken to the world of saline drudgery,
My soul for the observing world becomes an object of ruth.

The clouds clear up, the truth beckons,
Down I see myself fall.
The harmony playing stops as if by a blatant strike,
Hark you, Reality calls!

Doppelgänger

I guess everyone has a dark side which they fear more than anything else. Hope you like the post. :)

Yes, it's there!

It has always been there.

I have seen glimpses of it in my dreams.

I have felt its existence around when awake.

I have seen its apparition glide past me in the dark.

I have felt its shadow on a blistering sunny day.

I have slept in dread of haunted dreams,

I've woken up in fear of confronting doom.

I have tried run away from it in solitude.

I have hidden from it in bustling crowds.

It’s wicked and it’s consuming me spitefully!

An eternity it seems I’ve lived in feverish fear.

Eons seemed to have passed in between

But I’ve tried in dismay to evade this phantom.

Yet, the void inside me still seemed escalating.

Like a parasitic weed, clutching and choking my being-

Until now, that I fear an implosion.

Until now, that I see it defeating myself.

Until now, that I find myself willing to surrender.

I fear my existence crumbling!

I fear my doppelgänger taking over me… 

Once!

Just my feeling towards life. :)

Once!

Once, just once!

Let the song of hope ring in my ears.

Let the shimmer of success gleam in my eyes.

Let the path of glory be seeable through this haze of uncertainty.

Let the flowers of Eden bloom in my view.

Let the myth of love contort into a fact.

Let the divine snide that I’m living each day,

Turn into a benign smile.

For then ill rise through these sands of time,

And change myself as well;

For he is a fool, who stays aloof,

Even as the world around him alters to Heaven,

From the dark, pathetic Hell.

Numb

I wrote this long ago. Maybe I had a reason I don't remember now, or may have have chosen to forget. Hope you understand. ;)


NumB

Whispering winds create a cacophony,
Trembling in awe I succumb.
The world around me seems alienated;
I run away from shadows into the devious dark.

What is it I’ve become?
A fiend lurking in the shadows?
The very existence seems to be crashing down.
Meandering roads, I tread;
Those that at every curve ignite the fear of the unknown.

They say the world has cruel eyes.
And they look at me sceptically.

But it is the bare, unquestionable truth!
The sanctity has left me and the sanity is illusive.
Feelings which I once harboured have deserted the shores of my heart.
Lost and delirious, I wander through this labyrinth.

The gravest of pains barely brush my soul,
The acme of happiness refuses to kindle a spark.
It seems aeons have passed since an insignificant wave of a human emotion,
Touched the unadorned sands of my slumbering soul.

A melancholic feeling looms all around,
I gape at nothingness; it loyally reciprocates.
Days hustle their way out; nights stretch, delaying the morn.
With eyes wide open and consciousness sound asleep,
Have I become, what they call, Numb?

Requiem for a Short Summer

In the past one year, I only managed to meet my parents only twice; managing just about ten odd days. This one is for them. Hope you like it as well. 

Requiem for a Short Summer 

Come this year, summer was succinct,

Came and went in a day or two.

The warmth of unrestrained, unselfish love is hard to find,

Even as the sun seemingly dazzles everything around you.

Those tired, old eyes- they sparkled on seeing me,

Even the tears smiled in those expectant eyes.

Having them beside me made me ponder,

How could sordid complications in life ever rise?

The innate feeling of well-being and safety,

Drenched my weary soul.

I miraculously saw myself become a child once again,

A drop into the past; as if through time’s own tiny loop-hole.

And everything seemed simple again,

In the very manner “simple” was always meant to be.

The routine hassles of everyday seemed mundane and distant.

I suddenly found myself to be the person; I had always secretly wished to be.

Yet, those few nights I rested assured; winter will come stronger than ever,

Though the sun outside will still shine high.

And everything around will willingly succumb to the morbid chaos,

The coldness around will once again make me sigh.

Yet, through that veil of all-pervasive cold, I know-

The memories of these few sunny days will shimmer like rare jades.

The smiling faces will keep haunting my dreams.

And try as I may, the child in me will never really fade.